My bitter-sweet life

I haven't got this high for quite a while, and amazingly it came after a sleepless night! I bet it must be the effect of the one cup and a half of coffee at McDonald.

Riding the usual bus, watching my favourite anchor in her heavenly sweet and charming voice reporting a lovely programmes about a charimatic Singaporean singer with similarly lush and transcendent vocal capability. Even with such strong mood of hatred towards K****n people, I still adore her so much, 'cause she is really like the creamy Cappuccino that can brighten up my day while melting out the bitterness into warmness. I love you so much, Susan!

8 hours before all these happened, I was like a traumatized donkey, panicking in the little dark room, contemplating the horrifying steps of the hostile master. I didn't know which part of Balthazar's life (as what I was watching on my monitor) would be imparting into my own.

THis masterpiece by Robert Bresson resembled some of my current state of life (as quite a few other works do). The heroine in the film, Marie, was a submissive and passive girl who gave out control of her own life to the chauvinistic male characters, who pre-occupied a place or forced into her life. I am definitely not as misery as Marie, but quite often I will take the passive stand when I have to confront another aggressive party, especially in household matters. And quite unfortunately I came across a very bossy and shrill witch-like person in this phase of my life. And suffering continues and even amplified as the imperatives prevail!

I am really not good at arguing or quite easily I will surrend to exchange for a moment of peace. But peace doesn't come along with retreating. When the witch's commands are so easily to be executed, she just issues more. I have no means but to find a new way. I try to be invisible. That's why I fled my house at SIX!!!

My heart still beated heavily at the staircase, just 50 meters from my flat's door. I walked the stairs instead of taking the lift, just because I didn't want to take the usual routine which might be easily tracked down. Did I behave like a

Hitchlock character?  Would it appear like a scene in "Vertigo" if I walked along the corridor and took the elevator? I could only come to these thoughts right now when I am sitting calmly in my lab.  Three hours before, there was only two words trumpeting in my mind: "Run!", "Flee!", or subsequently, "Be Quick!", "Faster"!  

Balthazar was always a compassionate observers of its surrounding, even when he was so frightened by the blasting of bullets, or on the brisk of death, no wonder he was a saint. In contrast, I am just a normal human being. I cannot unconditionally accept all the tortures and misfortune, just for the sake of behaving in the divine ways. My limited ability to tolerate and over-sensitivity cause so much suffering in my life. But I still have to accept this imperfect self. Hopefully there are more films pronoucing transcendence in my life and help me to seek refuge inside myself.

Mr. Bresson, Mr. Bergman and other masters, I am counting on you, can I?

Film Title: Au hasard Balthazar

Country: France/Sweden

Director: Robert Bresson

Writer: Robert Bresson

Release Date:25 May 1966 (France) more

Genre:Drama more

Plot Outline:

Film follows the life of the donkey Balthazar as he passes from owner to owner, many of them treating him cruelly, all of them are beyond his pure and simple comprehension. His sad predicament as a beast of burden parallels the life of his first human owner, Marie, who, like Balthazar suffers the sins of man. Balthazar is a noble creature, however, and he accepts his fate with grace. The film is a parable of virtue & purity. It is a narrative of transcendence in a life of burden.

 

Plot Keywords:

Cult Director / Very Little Dialogue / Baptism / Escape / Parable more

Awards:

YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)













YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)

French Syndicate of Cinema Critics
1967	Won	Critics Award	Best Film Robert Bresson Tied with Guerre est finie, La (1966).
Venice Film Festival
1966	Won	OCIC Award	Robert Bresson

（From: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060138/ )